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the tides of life

Lately I’ve pondered the tides of thought that seem to ebb and flow about relationships, work, and the things in between the serious times in life. I’ve read some interesting things about relationships lately. I’ve also done some serious dreaming about what I want to be doing in five of ten years from now. And as far as the in between times, I recently rediscovered how much fun a see-saw can be, that French is not so scary, and that I would like to add more color to my everyday journal process. Well the journaling hasn’t been quite every day lately, but I am working on it. There is a growing sense of courage developing in me that I have been surprised by. I suppose it is largely caused by changing outlooks on previously intimidating factors in life.

I realize that the whole process and nature of relationships is complicated. It opens us to hurt because we open ourselves and allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable with another person. There is no way around possible hurt, because the facts are, everyone will eventually hurt us somehow. We will be disappointed even with our soul mates at some point, even though that doesn’t mean that we don’t love them or that the relationship is over. I am talking about the innate nature of human beings to fail. I must say that from my own perspective, it’s hard not to get a “perfectionistic” idea of relationships from pop culture and chick-flicks. As a woman of course I want to have a man sweep me off my feet, declare his undying love for me, and desire me for who I truly am. What the movies don’t show is the compromise, time, and commitment it takes to continue to build a strong and lasting relationship. The disconnect for me is this nagging fear of settling for less than the best God has for me and that I won’t know when the “right” guy has come along. I realize that this is all part of me learning to trust the Lord more. He is not incompetent in the ways of love and His sole desire is to put just the right man into my life in His perfect timing. I recently read an article about Christians and dating from World Magazine. http://www.worldmag.com/articles/18064 I found it very interesting and it gave me a lot to think about. Maybe more thoughts on that later.

I have also been thinking a lot about work and what I could see myself doing in the next few years. Obviously school is on the agenda. I am excited to accomplish the rest of my formal education, although in my mind I will never stop learning. I have never understood how people can be content to have a question in their mind about something and not go and try to find the answer. It could be anything from how to cook fried green tomatoes to learning how the heat pump works. My thoughts on future plans are still broad sometimes, and there are a lot of things I’d like to do. I think it could be really amazing to some day own an urban farm and teach people what growing is all about. I think it would be awesome to provide fresh food to people and give their taste buds something healthy to crave. I myself have been just recently converted to tomatoes after eating a homegrown one, produced right in my yard.

I rediscovered a childhood playground favorite with my friend Amy Hayward the other day. We decided to go fishing and ended up at the LBJ State Park over toward Stonewall. At the picnic area close beside the river there were two sets of see-saws and a metal, yes metal, slide. She and I were both super excited. Call us juvenile or immature, but when you think back on all the good times you had on an old-school playground, you’d be excited too. We laughed uncontrollably, screamed, and each almost fell off the see-saw at least once. I loved hearing the minor melody that the metal played as we went up and down. The sun and the breeze wrapped us in happiness and we reminisced about the silly things we’d done on playgrounds somewhere in the distant past. Once the fun was over, we went back to being serious adults talking about life and cooking and French.

Peace and Blessings, Ash

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2 thoughts on “the tides of life

  1. Awww- Ashely, you have such an honest and open way of writing, which is so enjoyable to read. You write like how I think.. or I think so. 🙂 I really loved the relaxation of that day and the spontaneity of discovering a new place. I’m going to miss you being away at College Station- very much! But at least I will have fun memories to reminisce over. I think my favorite memory, so far, is the one where you and I went up to those hippy chicks and said that if they don’t stop beating their drums, the cows will come and stampede them!!! Hahaha…

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