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dang. red. roses.

Yummy coffee at home…

This last week and a half I’ve just been in a bit of a funk. I was working 10 hour days and then either going to class or studying for midterms. I spent my weekend alone at home staring at government notes. My Meme cut up a quilt she gave me (at least I was pretty sure she did) to make a new cushion cover for her couch. A girl at work got a HUGE bouquet of red roses from some dude who she’s not even dating yet. (I admit, it’s hard not to wish I had someone to send me something nice just because.) The coffee shop closed early while I was trying to get homework done. Then, the owner of the same coffee shop was super rude to me tonight (while I was buying my drink). And, I cried in Wal-Mart. So yeah it’s been a special week.

Honestly, I don’t know why it’s been so hard for me. I can’t figure out what it is exactly that is bugging me so much. Other than being just plain lonely. Which I think sounds bad, because I have made some really cool friends here and I enjoy spending time with my grandparents. I am still getting used to living with Meme and Papa day-in and day-out, and learning all of their little quirks, but they are fun. I’m sure being tired doesn’t help, but lots of people go to college and have jobs and don’t get a lot of sleep. I should be able to hack it too. I don’t like feeling like my spunky side is like a cooling fire that needs more fuel to get it burning again.

Even if this doesn’t make much sense to anyone reading it, writing is therapeutic for me and helps to reset myself sometimes. It’s almost like there are too many thoughts in there all at once and some of them just need to get out in order for them to begin to make sense. What I really feel like doing is pulling an emotional “Tawanda” and just getting out of this weird state I’m in.

Some things I have begun to realize since I moved here:

  • Time is something that has become more precious.
  • I miss my parents more probably than they know or I realize.
  • I wish I could speak up for myself and say what I need to say more often.
  • I am super thankful for the church I have been going to.
  • My new friends are a huge blessing.
  • I am a tiny speck on this world, but God holds me and knows me and cares for me all the same. He has a perfect plan for this time, even if I can’t see it right now.

Well I’m gonna get out of this really awful coffee house. It’s a ripoff and they guy was super rude. Needless to say, I won’t be posting from here ever again and intend on speaking to the chamber of commerce about his terrible service as soon as possible. Sorry to unload about everything, but it needed to get out. Night for now.

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