A blink and a smile

Last night, Heath and I went to a prayer and worship night at church. It was amazing. One of the songs we sang was ‘How He Loves’, a song I hadn’t heard really since I got back from camp. I must say that each time I have come back from being either a camper or staff at JH Ranch, there is one song that is like the theme song for my time there. This was the one from my time there on staff this summer.

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

I stood there beside Heath, among friends and our church family singing the words to the song that awaked my heart this summer. I was awakened to love, awaked to God, awakened to the hearts of others. Honestly, it hasn’t been easy since camp. It is a battle every single day to always thank the Lord and be joyful and to talk to Him. I have never been a very confrontational person, and I usually keep my feelings to myself unless I am upset about something. But the Lord has been showing me that I don’t have to be confrontational to be myself and to tell people how I feel. It has been a crazy journey, but a good one. My heart feels freer and freer every day that I trust in Him for my strength. And I am always failing. But the sweetest thing is falling down and knowing that He will still always pick me up in all my imperfection.

OK. So back to last night, there was a point in time where the worship leader, Ryan, asked everyone to break up into small groups of 3-5 and pray with and for each other. Heath and Nathan and Sarah and I had “adopted” each other since all of our families either weren’t there or don’t live here in town. So we broke away into a group all our own and each began to tell the others things on our hearts to pray for. The four of us have known each other for some time, not necessarily in the deepest sense, but we have spent a lot of time together. It was such a sweet time. We shared things that made us cry; things that have been on our hearts; things that we hope for and dream about. We prayed for each other. It was beautiful.

When everyone gathered back together again, we sang a few more songs and I don’t know that I have experienced worship like that since I got back from camp. Heath was singing and I was singing and I felt so much joy right then and right there. We were one in heart, praising Jehovah Rophe. We didn’t care what we sounded like, we just sang out hearts out and praised Him. Oh such a beautiful, wonderful night!

Afterwards, Sarah and I got to talking about books and the kids in our Sunday School classes and TV. I love Sarah. I don’t know if I have met anyone sweeter than her who is so confident in herself and who she is in the Lord. I admire that so much about her. Heath and Nathan were talking too, but I was having too much fun visiting with Sarah to notice the subject of their conversation! Heath and I hadn’t eaten anything before we went to the church since we weren’t hungry, and by the time the thing ended, I still wasn’t famished or anything. Sarah and I walked up to where he and Nathan were talking since they were kicking everyone out for the night and I asked him if he was hungry yet or not. His signature smirk glanced across his face and he blinked once. I knew that face. It was the ‘are-you-really-asking-me-this-because-I-know-you-can-read-my-mind’ kind of look. I never realized that it’s just sort of a signature expression of his until last night. I said “No. Actually I don’t even know why I asked that because I know that you are hungry.” And we all just laughed.

A blink and a smile. That’s all it took for me to know exactly what he was thinking. I love that. :^)


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